Home » Ep 94: Life Lessons for Ambitious Moms! Transcript

Ep 94: Life Lessons for Ambitious Moms! Transcript

All right, welcome. Welcome to this episode of The she is extraordinary podcast. Today I’m here with my good friend Stephanie lafleur. And she is a health and happiness ambassador. And we’re going to have fun times this girl talk. So welcome, Stephanie.
Thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.

Oh, I’m so we’re so blessed to have you here. So, first of all, I really love what you call yourself a health and happiness ambassador, can you tell us a little bit about what that’s all about? Sure.

So and the organization that I’m involved with now partners with a company that they started a movement, I call it and it’s the live happy magazine. And you know, they they give back to the wounded warriors project and stuff like that, that our CEO believes in, you know, really, and truly to be successful, you have to have that happiness within first not, you know, it’s not something external. It’s not like that partner that you’re looking for, that’s going to make you happy. It’s not the perfect job. It’s not when you hit the million dollars, you really truly have to have that happiness within.

You know, I love that. Yeah. And so yeah, that’s, that’s, yeah, I’ve always been really passionate about health and everything, too. And that’s one of the things that I promote, and I feel like Happy Happiness first. Right? If someone is not, you got to work on that before you can, to me to be successful. You have to have that within. Mm hmm.

I couldn’t, I couldn’t agree more. You know, I, I may have heard the B do have you know, what I’m saying about the B do have I don’t know if it’s called a movement, or if it’s, uh, you know, like, a lot of people say, Well, when I have money, I don’t be able to do this. And then be that you know, then I’ll be happy then. But it’s be you have to be, you know, this person that is happy that if you want to be a thriving CEO, I always tell my ladies and be that right now. Like, what do they think about? How do they behave? So I love that we’ve got to be happy first, and then be joy filled with the Lord. And then yeah, love that. Love that?

Well, listen, um, I know that you were very, I appreciate the fact that you want to be vulnerable and real with the ladies. And so one of the things I was talking about is your background. And why you decided to have your third baby. Right after your other two were older. So can you share a little bit about your background? Because that’s just a really neat story? I sure can. Yeah, that that third baby just walked in the room. Okay, sorry about the interruption.

Um, so my, my children are 2522. And yes, number 10. On purpose. And I was just sharing this with somebody earlier, when I was young, I had a gift for music, I ended up with an offer of a scholarship to TCU that I ended up turning down because it wasn’t, you know, it wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to do. And my goal, when I was a little girl, what I wanted to be and do and have children, I wanted to be a mom. And so what what’s interesting, though, is the way I was raised, and I think we might have talked about this before, but I was religious. I was raised in a little bit of a religious cult. You know, which, that’s probably a story for another day.

We might have to do like some therapy with that one. But it didn’t, you know, they didn’t talk about like, it was more of the world’s going to end right. So I didn’t really dream big. It was just that immediate, I wanted to just have have have children. And so and once I got to that point, and they were kind of self sufficient, you know, like 12 and 15, right? They can dress themselves feed themselves, basically. And they didn’t really need me so much. Then I was like, Okay, now what? And at the time I was teaching classes, I was a personal trainer, and I got really bored.

Just one second, for sure. You know, it’s really interesting. They don’t know that out. That’s okay.
All right. So basically, I just wasn’t sure what in the world I was going to do. I got bored with teaching because corporate came in and I don’t know if you know how much you know about branding classes. It meant that every class was going to be exactly the same. And so for somebody who’s creative, that was like a death sentence for me, and I got bored really, really fast. And so, you know, we conversations with my husband were like, I don’t know what I’m going to do. And then, you know, six months later, I’m like, you know, I’m thinking, since you really love coaching our children and sports and all that, and you know, they’re kind of past that, because they were in middle school and doing their own thing and select sports.
Let’s just have another baby.

If we’re blessed enough, if if God blesses us, and let’s just try, you know, let’s just say, and, you know, we were blessed to have a third child. And I can’t even begin to imagine her life without him, other than not having interactions. But especially right now, even working from home. I mean, yes, homeschooling is hard. That’s, that’s also another story for today, and maybe some therapy. But I really, I feel extremely blessed because he is my most affectionate child. He’s probably the most like me. So we do kind of butt heads a little bit. But, you know, if you give him half a half a chance, he’d be in here on this interview with me talking your head off. He’s my little social bug. So this is actually been hard for him. This, this whole quarantine not having that interaction with other kids, we have to work really hard to make sure that he’s not completely isolated. But yeah, so that was, that was the story of the third child. And it shortly thereafter, the recession started to catch up with my husband’s business.
And so that led me to, you know, begin another journey with another business. And is that your personal journey that that opened up that whole new world for you that you mentioned?

That was later? later? Okay. Yeah, I’ll share with you really quickly. So I am, I’m, like I said, I’m creative. And also crafty love to do all kinds of things. You know, my mom started teaching me how to sew probably age seven or eight. I think that was my first entrepreneurial adventure made these little stuffed cats that were door hangers and dogs and sold them.
Door to Door in this little shopping strip.

Ah, you know, made some decent money for an eight year old. On Yeah. So I, I used to make things for all of my daughter’s teammates. So she was in select sports. And we all if if you have kids, you know anybody watching if you’ve got kids like sports, you know, like, that’s like a you need a whole part time job just just to pay for that. Yeah. Yeah, most the time, though. I’m not like somebody who’s really into sales. I don’t want to sell someone something. I just give it away. So I would make stuff for all the teams and just give it to them. I never asked for even pay for materials most the time that was just that was my gift, love doing it?

Well, when the need came, and I started, I had already been making stuff. I thought, well, I wonder if I could set up at these tournaments and sell. And so we we grew this business for about five years, and it kind of turned into a little bit of a monster. It was it’s one of those things that if you are a little bit of a perfectionist, it’s going to hurt you in the long run. Because, you know, if you’re too much of one, I couldn’t let go of the creations that was me doing all the work all the time. Wow. Plus, you have the mess everywhere all over the house.

Yeah. Wow. And that went off for five years that went on for five years. Yeah. So my last, my last journey started about six and a half years ago. Right on Facebook lady sent me a message and it was somebody who she and her husband had founded the fourth culinary school. And they were very, you know, very strong pillars of the community. Beautiful Christian family, love, love, love them. In fact, she had a show on the family network, a cooking show. Ah, yeah, just lovely people. And However, what she said to me when we actually got on the phone, had me thinking in telling my husband I said, Judy, and Bill want us to come to their house. And he’s like, What for? And I said, I don’t know, but I think it’s one of those things.

My husband and I, we’ve been married almost 27 years. And in our marriage, we had tried, I don’t know how many different types of like businesses that were in direct sales. And I just, you know, never had any success never made any money. We lost. I don’t even know like thousands, lots and lots. I was not very nice. I was not open at all, but my husband is a very smart man. And he said to me really respect them. So we should at least give them the courtesy of taking a look. And so we went and sat on their couch. And I love spending time with them anyway, just because, you know, there’s those people that you would adopt to be your family. Hmm.

Yeah. Like, they’re just so precious. You’re like, man, will you adopt me? Like, I love my family, but would you adopt me too? I want to be in your family. I want to be your get togethers. And that’s the kind of people they were. And so it I did have had the little, little devil on my shoulder going. What if you say no, you know, like, what if this is the one and you know, so that was kind of going on the back of my mind. But the whole time we sat there, my husband was elbowing me. And he’s like, if they’re doing this, we’re doing this because it’s a clue. And I thought, Oh, yeah, my Western Texas cowboy slinging wrinkle cream is going to go over really well. Because at the time, that was it was anti aging skincare, and I barely washed my face. You know, like, not to be gross. But you know, it wasn’t like, I did a great job taking off my makeup, I probably remove my makeup with water or something. You know what?

Yeah, I wasn’t raised in taking care of my skin. I can totally relate to that. Yeah, yeah. And so anyway, um, needless to say, he kind of shoved me into into the company. And I, I did a little bit. I did a little bit. But what shifted for me was, my daughter went through it pretty, pretty terrible accident at school, three weeks before she could sign for division one volleyball. And she ended up with a year of therapy. Whoa, yeah, it was a really tough, dark time in my life. We had taken a break from church, we had started this business, but I wasn’t really doing that, you know, I wasn’t, my heart just wasn’t in it yet. And so my friend Judy said, Hey, I have this ticket to conference, I would love for you to go with me. And to be honest, it gives me chills every time I share that, because I would not have been able to go if my daughter hadn’t been hurt. So I know, there’s always a purpose, but you hate to think that it’s an expense of your child. And so sorry about that? No, no, no, I’m a crier, too. I mean, that’s powerful. That’s a powerful movement, a god how he worked all that out. Yeah.

And so, um, I went to that conference, and they began, they were talking about success and personal development. I had gone to some trainings with them before, but, you know, like, I told you, my heart just wasn’t really in it yet. I, you know, I didn’t think that I could do it didn’t, didn’t think because, you know, I didn’t finish school that I could have success. Why should I be successful, you know, or who’s gonna pay any attention to me, you know, just all of those limiting beliefs that just not really, really mess up your head. And so I tell people, so your journey will look nothing like mine. Because no matter how, like if I’m fit and look put together, it doesn’t. That doesn’t matter. It’s what’s inside here. Yeah. And some of us are just a little more messed up than thousand percent true. Yes.

Yeah, it’s funny. You look at people and on the surface, sometimes you think, oh, wow, I’d love to be like them. And like, Oh, no, sister. No, it’s taken me a lot of work to get to where I’m at now. But I spent four days listening to some really amazing people talk about personal development. And our CEO actually wrote the book, The slight edge. It’s one of those books, it’s all about making that slight edge decision every single day that either takes you up the curve to success, or down the curve to failure. And at the time, I had a pretty severe addiction to fiction, whether it was reading a paperback novel, or most likely, I had an earbud stuck in my ear listening to some kind of, you know, murder mystery, romance novel, you name it, it was my escape from boredom.

Because at the time, I mean, Hello, I’m the one who had the third child. I just didn’t have anything I was working on. That was fulfilling. I had a great and that’s the thing. It’s not I had a great life. I had a wonderful husband, you know, three beautiful children. And some people were like, why would you be bored or what but I just didn’t have something that was fulfilling me. I mean, and I think that’s that that is part of my message to moms now. Be a good mom, be a good wife, but don’t lose yourself in the process. Because your children to grow up, and they don’t necessarily need you every minute of the day, like they do when they’re younger and you got to have you you can’t lose yourself.

That’s a good thing, right? I mean, my, my family’s kind of funny in that I have a twin. So we came years after my next oldest sibling, and so when My sister and I graduated high school went on to college. My mom’s world was like, empty all of a sudden, she’s like, now what? So I totally get that mom poured herself into me and my twin sister. And at the age of I want to say 52 or so she found herself like, now what am I going to do? So very good. I mean, I totally agree, you can’t lose yourself. But you know what I really love. I love how I love how you’re bringing this up that to others, they may have looked at you and said, Stephanie’s life is great, why isn’t she just happy? But it’s like, we can’t look at somebody else’s life. Because God’s pulling us in certain directions.

And there’s stuff that might be going on in the background that really, as an outside observer, we have no idea. Right? Right. So so that’s good. So listeners if you if you are out there, and you’re happy Mom, you love your hubby, but there’s something missing or lacking. No, you’re not alone. Stephanie had it. I had it. I think it’s God, I would guess that it’s God like setting you up for your future. Right? What do you think Stephanie?
100%. I know, that I was meant for more, I know that I was meant to make an impact in a lot of people’s lives.

And it just took me it just took me a little bit longer to you know, to get there than than everything, some people. And but yeah, it’s it’s really interesting, one of my really good friends who is one of my favorite team members. Now, she said to me, you know, back when our older two children were in elementary school, we were on PTA together, she said, You were so intimidating to me. I was like, I don’t even understand that, you know, like, she was the teacher, she had a degree, she done all this stuff. And she was successful in what she did. And yet she looked at me like I was someone, you know, she had me up on a pedestal, and I had no idea for years. But it really helped shift something in my mind when she shared that with me. I thought, Wow, you really just don’t know. You know, we all tell ourselves stories all the time.

Yes. And are usually not positive stories especially. Right. We’re like, we’re not nice to ourselves, we really aren’t. And I hate that. And I, I I’m as guilty as anybody. But that’s so funny, because that’s another life lesson that that I know, it took a while for me to get I’m going to be 55 in just a couple of months. And so you know, with age comes wisdom, we hope, right? But um, so yeah, you don’t realize the influence you have, even if you don’t feel like an influencer, you are influencing people. Besides your kids and your family, neighbors, you know, it’s all about the other person’s perception is their reality. So So when she said that to you, like was that like a big like, like, slap in the face where you like, wow, like that came out of left field?

Pretty much. I don’t think there’s been anything that said to me about how what someone thought about me or didn’t think about that shocked me more than that. It was very, it was very shocking. Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna say did that when she said that? Did it make you reevaluate kind of what you were doing? Or how you were looking at yourself? Like, wow, like, I can make an impact. And I’m not even like, in my mind doing anything?

Yeah, at that point I had, I had really been on my personal development journey for a little bit, and had been working on mindset and shiftings and things that I thought about myself, but then at that point, I was like, Oh, so there is more right there. There’s, there’s more to be done on mindset. But at that point, I was like, I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around. Someone thinking about me like that when I haven’t done anything yet. And then I was like, so once I begin this work, and really dive into who I can become, what kind of an impact could I have been? Mm hmm.

Yeah, let’s talk about that. I would love to know, if you don’t mind sharing kind of what you’re doing, you know, who you’re representing, and what you do in the business. So the journey of personal development started five and a half, five years ago in April. And the reason that several things happen, so I started, I put down my addiction to fiction. The moment I got back on the plane, I made the decision
that I just wasn’t going to do that anymore. And the funny thing is, I told myself after a couple of years of, you know, after I think about three years, I had read about 200 books that were on personal development, you know, growth I owe you know, when I go to the beach, I’m going to I’m going to take a novel and I’m gonna allow myself that, that chill time. And what’s funny is I found myself not picking that novel up, I found myself picking up another book that I was reading, which is a really good book, happy Pocket full of money, love, cool, go check it out.

Very good. And But the second thing that happened, that really made a difference for me and actually kept me where I’m in, where I’m at, like meaning building the business, that kind of thing was they released a brain supplement, I got to hear from a Princeton professor, who had been there for Gosh, I think he’s been there 3040 years, but he did 20 years of research on the brain and mental decline, and came up with this incredible discovery that helps to prevent it helps with memory and focus. And my family has a history of Alzheimer’s, my grandfather was only 62 years old, when he passed, all four of his siblings have had it or passed with it. So sitting there and listening to this doctor talk to talk about preventing something that I saw, do what it did to my grandfather, was really impactful.

And all I could think was, this is something that I can literally and figuratively wrap my brain around building a business with, even if it was just that one product. I mean, obviously now at 47, I’m very thankful for great skincare, you know, chemical free, plant based skincare is great. But it was the wellness that really and truly attracted me to do what I’m doing now. And then, fast forward. You know, a few months later, my little one star, I think I shared this story with you about my youngest, he started kindergarten. And having two different children that are three different children that go to the same school, you know, you’re literally registering him for kindergarten, 15 years after, you know, like the first time I
went there.

Some of the same people were there, he ended up with the same teacher that my daughter had for kindergarten. And so it was kind of crazy, because he starts school and he gets written up every single day. And all I could think is, oh my goodness, what in the world do they think about us like, you know, this was really embarrassing. I’m like walking into the school to have lunch with him hide my face, because it was just it was a little much. And it was also overwhelming, because as a mom, you may have the same rule. If your kids get in trouble at school, they get in trouble at home, you know, like you. They were just not this is not acceptable. But I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea like how to help him. And as far as any kind of, you know, like, attention and focus, that kind of stuff. I wasn’t willing to give him a prescription because I saw what it did to another family member that we let try it for a couple of weeks. So when my friend who’s a pharmacist said to me, she said, Why are you not trying him on that brain supplement? All I could think was? Oh, you know, like, I was really thinking about older people, you know, like, well, and myself, because you know what, you know, prevention? Is it?

So I began him on that. And he went from getting written up every day to like, once a week, and after a few months, not at all. And by the time summer got here, I thought well, I’m not even going to waste my product on you during the summer, I had to worry about you getting in trouble and you’re doing so good. And three weeks into the summer, I was on a zoom. And he walks into the room kind of like he did earlier. But he was very fidgety talking really fast and just crazy. And one of my friends is what’s going on with Brooke and How’s it? I don’t know. But I’m thinking No, military school might be an option. And she laughed at me. And I was like, No, for real because I’m about to lose my mind. She has What’s going on? Isn’t he on that Brain Stuff? And it literally was at that moment, I realized how well it had been working. So we put him back on it. He hasn’t been off. He’s about to start fifth grade. Hopefully we will be back in school.

I’m sure you’re not the only one that thinks that. Yes, yes. Well, that’s amazing.
Yeah. So it’s been a really, it’s been an incredible journey the last five years, and I love being able to help other moms keep their sanity, and maybe the teachers a little bit, but also in a way that’s natural and not harmful to the child. And you don’t have to worry about the you know about it leading to an addiction, right or the side effects, right. Yeah, yeah. Well, that is a powerful story. I mean, I could just see all these moments that God was right there like he was he was in the details and that is just so neat. So so I want to jump a little bit to your Facebook group, the DFW women’s networking group, you have just over 1000 ladies in there. So tell our listeners what that group is about what’s its purpose and what happens inside.

So I started that group a couple years ago and it was very haphazard and the way I was growing it didn’t know what I was doing with it, but after leaving have something in person, I thought I really wanted to continue building it but wasn’t able to do the in person events anymore.
And back in January, I started working with a business coach. And she was amazed that I had 400 women in there. And I was like, Well, I don’t know, like I had been networking and really creating good community with some amazing ladies, but wanted to be able to give back more, and didn’t want to limit it to, you know, necessarily the Dallas Fort Worth area, which is why we named it that. But on a zoom recently, lady told me she said, Well, what, why not be the dynamic focus woman or the dynamic, fabulous woman, so we’re not changing her name, we’re just gonna leave it as is. And we’re done. Wow, dynamic and fabulous.

I love that. That’s my vote dynamic, fabulous. Women, I love it. And so, you know, it’s just a place for women to to connect, and network, we do some virtual networking events. And it’s a way if, you know, on Saturdays we do shop small posts. So if you’ve got like an e commerce business, whether it’s you know, products, or if you’ve got an Etsy business, or if you have a service, you know, you can share that there. If you’ve got events coming up, just to Oh, and then, you know, Mondays we we share motivation. I feel like it’s always always good. So funny, because I feel like I’m a little odd now to some people, because I love Mondays.

I know, like, it isn’t because there’s motivational posts that the ladies are doing or what? No, I just love Mondays. I think it’s partly because I love what I do. Right? So when you’re when you’re happy, and you’re inspired, and you’re you’re living your life of purpose. It’s you’re not living for the weekend anymore.

Amen. I love it. I think that is rare. I think that’s rare. I mean, I, I love Saturday mornings, because I sleep in a little bit. But what I do before the rest of the house gets up, is I work for about two or three hours. And then I you know, try not to do anything the rest of the day, and I love my weekends, but I’m with you, I wake up excited every day.

I don’t know. I mean, if I think that’s the one thing to to, that I would share with with your listeners is if you’re not happy and fulfilled, you need to keep searching until you find something that will allow you to have that feeling. Because it’s not just about, you know, working a job and paying bills till you die. That’s not how that’s not what God wants for us. It’s not, you know, and it’s not just your children, you know, I’ve had, I’ve had when other women Tell me, I couldn’t do what you’re doing, or I couldn’t do this or whatever. Because they felt like it was going to take time away from their children. And like your children need you to be fulfilled, your children need to see you doing something that you know, makes you feel good, not just be so wrapped up in them. That’s not that’s not I don’t think that’s healthy for either of you.

I think that’s so good. And it’s hard. And I think especially Christian women, you know, I know I grappled with this when I first had my kids and I felt like I needed to go back to work. And then when I stayed home and stepped away from the practice of law, it was less than two weeks when I cried to my mom, and I go, oh my god, how did you do this? I love my babies. But this is so hard. And you know, I felt that tug that I really feel like God makes some women to be content and fulfilled and satisfied being that mom who is home caring for the family and all that but and there’s nothing wrong with that. And that doesn’t make them a lesser woman at all. But it took a while for me to get over the guilt and say, You know what, God made me this way he made me to need or to serve in this other way as well as being a mom.

So I think that’s a message I hope that someone out there will appreciate and may this be that aha moment, which is like, Oh, is that why I’m feeling this way that I shouldn’t be feeling guilty? No, it’s God trying to show you where to go. I really believe that. I really believe it. I need to listen, I can’t even believe we’re looking at the 30 minute mark. I I always end my shows with this question. Okay. This is the she’s extraordinary podcast. So I would love for you to share with our listeners, an extraordinary woman in your life and tell us why she’s extraordinary to you.
Oh my goodness.

I am. So I would have to say my friend Judy bird. She is the one I mentioned earlier. Not only is she an extraordinary Christian woman, she is somebody who whenever I have no belief in myself, I don’t know if you if you got that. But I had no belief in myself that I could actually do something totally outside of it. anything I’ve ever done before, you know, she breeds encouragement into me, and over my life until I could have enough courage to go on without her.

Wow. Wow, I get to be that person for others. Hmm, that’s beautiful work. Yeah, that’s beautiful work. And I’m sorry, I was gonna end it, but I really feel compelled that I’ve got to continue on that point you just made? Um, how did you get over that feeling of? I see others doing, you know big things? But can I really do it? Like, how did you get over that hurdle?

I kind of feel like I’m still in the middle of that hurdle. You know, I still have those moments of self doubt. They’re just much shorter, you know, I, but I do the work I still do daily, I still do daily mindset work, I still am very immersed in personal development, in addition to the Bible, I mean, we all know that that’s, that’s the number one book. But it’s not, it’s not the only book. And if you are really messed up up here, then you know, you’ve, you’ve probably got to read some other things and dive into that work. I created a vision for my life, you know, I did a five year statement where I wrote it down. And it takes a while to even get to the point where you can, you can write that. But I also have affirmations that I say daily. And I started doing some meditation and basically just kind of clearing out the noise, which is really important, not meditation.

We don’t know if you do meditation, but just just a meditation that really allows you to calm your mind. Because sometimes the thoughts and the hamsters that get on those wheel and keep going can get a little crazy and a little noisy. Yeah, yeah, that’s for sure. I think that for us, women, the negative self talk is just really, really hard. And so that’s why for me, for myself, and I tell my friends and my clients, you know, and students to me, when you fully embrace who you are in Christ, and go all in on who he needs you to be who he made you to be. That’s when I feel like most of myself, right? I mean, so. So just real briefly, I just want to say, when I started coaching, I think I can’t imagine anybody who doesn’t wonder if they’re good enough. You know, it’s that imposter syndrome.

But now that I’ve been doing this for years, and I’ve had successes with my clients, I really then get the courage to say, you know what, I am good enough. And God did make me for this work, right? And he is equipping me he’s promised to equip me so so that’s what I keep telling myself as I have this down sound like I go through like, Bible verses in my mind. I recall them and I just say, No, God, you promised x, y and z. So I’m gonna believe it helped me to believe it. That kind of thing. Yeah, that’s awesome. Well, Stephanie, thank you so much for your time. I’m sure my listeners have been blessed by our time together.

Well, thank you so much for having me. I really have enjoyed it.

All right. Well, thank you and ladies, let us know your feedback. I would love it if you would take a moment and leave a rating and review. It means the world to me and I really do read them all. So thank you again, and we’ll see you next time. Thanks so much for having me. I doing bye.

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